Comparison is the uncle and aunt of all misery.
We know we shouldn’t compare our insides to other people’s outsides, because what people project about themselves in social situations and on social media does not paint the whole picture. Mental health struggles are not usually visible from the outside and we never know what someone else is going through.
More insidious than that kind of comparison though, is constant comparison with yourself. The habit of always comparing yourself to who you would be if you were perfect.
Things you know, but forget:
The best grade you ever got at school does not define you any more than the time you failed that exam. It might have felt better or worse in the moment, but it didn’t define who you are.
Nobody ever fell in love or into friendship with you because you once ran a marathon in 2 hours 30. Achieving targets can feel wonderful, but they don’t define you. And never hitting that speed again won’t make you a failure.
Your messy home does not tell the world anything about who you are or what you have to give. Some people like tidy; others like mess; get over it.
Everyone else has forgotten that silly thing you said last week. In the midst of all the great stuff you say, it was nothing to anyone but you.
Some days are for climbing mountains; others are for scrolling through social media in your pyjamas. Lighten up. Take a breath. Learn to respect the ebb and flow of your own body. Some days are for expanding, growing, achieving; other days are for quiet reflection, pottering and not getting much ‘done’.
Perhaps, in fact, one depends upon the other?
If you’re always pushing yourself on days when you should be pottering, then you never replenish your energy to really go for it on the expansive days … And if you never let yourself go for it, climb the mountain, follow new leads, run a little bit faster, then you won’t appreciate the peaceful cadence of a duvet day.
Compassion, not comparison. Let your outsides reflect what is going on inside. And in so doing, teach your beloveds to do the same. How might we all be happier and healthier then.
Sarah x