People pleasing is your attempt to control what people think of you. You want to make people like you and you want everbody to think good things about you.
Perhaps you think you have a special gift that can make others better.
Maybe you are investing a lot of time and energy doing things to prove your goodness and usefulness to the world.
Or is your secret fear that the world can do without you - if they don’t need you, then what is your value?
The truth is that you don’t need everbody to like you: you have plenty of rewarding and valuable relationships in your life.
The truth is that if you truly valued and admired yourself, you wouldn’t need all of that external validation.
The truth is that nobody can fix anybody else; healing is an inside job. You are special, but not because you are a saviour.
It's awkward isn't it, because most of us want to be liked by as many people as possible, or even by everyone. And so most of us are people pleasing a lot of the time.
But you want to be free and energised, right? Not trapped and exhausted. So you're going to have to find a new way of moving through the world at some point. And you know as well as I do that acceptance, not control-seeking, is the key to peace.
How long it takes you to get round to this is up to you. When you finally do, you will be astounded by how little anyone cares that you said no to something you usually say yes to. You will discover that the thought that they needed you was all in your head! If you are afraid that you are surplus to the world’s requirements, you will come to feel confident that the world still loves you even after you have stopped betraying yourself in the service of others.
Controlling is a trap: you will never succeed and you will run yourself ragged trying.
Acceptance is freedom: now you will learn how to roll with life’s waves, how to bounce back from difficult times, how to grow in empathy.
Controlling is exhausting; accepting is energising.
Beauty lies in our capacity to be around for each other, to respect other people’s choices, to have confidence in our own worthiness and to honour the life journeys of the people we know. They are doing it their way, you are doing it your way. Neither are better/best; both are valid/true.
Allow the world to embrace you without grasping for it. You will be surprised how generous it can be when you loosen your hold a little.
Sarah x