How to Feel Safe

Humans have been negotiating with the idea of safety for as long as we’ve been human. Being able to plan, communicate and control life more than any other living creature, the viccissitudes of life trouble us: we’d like to be able to control them too.

Perhaps it is only the yogis and the Buddhists who tell us the truth: life is random and sorrows will come no matter what you do to fend them off or how much you deny their existence. Knees are grazed, tears fall.

Better than seeking to control the uncontrollable, let us learn how to be comfortable with discomfort, calm in the face of trials, accepting when things go wrong. Let us learn how to feel safe in our own skin, confident that we will be able to cope, let us teach our families how to be resilient, not afraid.

It is trite to say that there is a lesson in everything (tell that to the grieving mother), but there is wisdom to be gained from the dark places, wisdom and growing compassion for others in trouble, this we know.

This work, the work of remaining calm and accepting, open and trusting requires us to let go of old hurts and sorrows. Failing once is not your sign never to try again. Losing once is not your sign to hold on more tightly to what is left. The work is ongoing, because the challenges are ongoing - every day a reason to close off, every day therefore a reason to practice staying open.

Tat Tvam Asi the yogis tell us, everything is connected. There is more to this world than any human can ever understand, so stop trying to work out how to control it all and try learning how to live in peace instead.

Calm Amidst the Storm

Hello,

Nobody seems to be able to tell us exactly why we spend so much of our time in a stressed state, but stress is reaching epidemic proportions, particularly in the younger generations.

It could be the effects of social media, it could be that we hear too much in these days of 24 hour news updates about all the sadness in the world. Certainly our desire to control everything plays its part: if we constantly seek safety, worry about the safety of our loved ones, manipulate this and that to try to create the perfect conditions for life, then we are going to end up stressed and tired.

The yogis of old were correct in their teachings that acceptance leads to peace. We don’t always get to know what is going to happen before it happens, and seeking to control what happens, how people will react to what happens, saving people from the reactions of other people when something happens is a fruitless waste of energy. What will be will be.

This is where practice comes in. If you can stay calm when the world goes to hell in a hand cart, then you have changed your entire experience of life.

What’s more, if you can stay centred when difficult times come, then you become a beacon, a safe place for others less adept at holding their peace, to come and feel more calm.

Lastly, if you can hold your calm centre in the face of challenge, you begin to teach your children how to do the same.

Understand that this is not some otherworldly preternatural state of never feeling anxious, you have not failed if you experience stress. Everybody gets stressed, everybody feels sad. This is not failure, it is just how life is.

The trick is knowing how to stay connected to your inner peace during these times - the world buffets you around like a boat on stormy seas, your practice keeps you afloat, lets you bob upon the waves rather than sinking beneath the deluge.

You can’t change or manipulate what happens in life - there is no rule book you can follow that will save you from the fact of loss, sadness, illness and pain. But you can change the way you respond to it. And that inner shift changes everything for the better.

Love,
Sarah x

Holding Hope in a Troubled World

How do we hold ourselves steady at times when the world feels like it’s spinning out of control? When we feel powerless to make a difference to the things we see happening around us? This is the question I have been asking myself lately. Perhaps you have too.

Meditation has been my solace in the good times and the bad. When my own thoughts are too troubling for the silence I seek in meditation, then I turn to the recorded meditations of my teachers - sometimes I need that safe voice to carry me into the peace that eludes me.

Reading also helps - I find myself re-reading old favourites, since there is comfort in the familiar voice of a novel or poem you know and love. I read To Kill a Mockingbird every other year or so, because it reminds me of the basic goodness of people. The big events that reach us via the news don’t speak to the millions of small kindnesses that happen in communities all around the world, every single day. I went out for lunch today and the waiter was so warm-hearted towards my aunt with learning disabilities that he quite restored my faith in humanity. Not everyone knows how to make a person with special needs laugh, but this young man did. He probably doesn’t know what a difference he made.

Music - ah, music. From the songs I sing (loudly) in my car and kitchen to the classical music that speaks wordlessly to my troubles, music nurtures and restores me. It is also something to share, yesterday my daughter sent me I Have Considered the Lilies by Connie Converse. Such a perfect and beautiful little thing.

In times of trouble it is important that we take what comfort we can from our practice of yoga and meditation, from the sustaining beauty of these autumn days in nature, from the words, songs and art that inspire and uplift us.

We help nobody by being dragged under. What do you do to stay afloat when life feels hard? What poets, writers and musicians do you recommend? I’d love to know.

Sarah x