Setting boundaries will help you to preserve your energy for the people, events and things that are really important to you. They will help to move you away from a frantic life in which you have too much to do and too little time.
Our days can become a whirlwind of racing from one thing to another, finally collapsing in the evening/at the weekend with very little left to give the most important people in our lives, or the creativity that makes our hearts sing.
Boundaries are simply a way of making intentional decisions about what you let in and what you keep out of your life. They are a way or making sure that you save your energy for the tasks, people and creativity that you really want and need to do.
If you are clear about your boundaries, then it is easier to say a kind, but forthright no when someone asks you to do something that you don’t feel comfortable with. You won’t feel forced to say yes against your better judgement and end up wishing you’d hadn’t, ending up wasting your time, getting upset or frustrated because you could be spending that time doing something else.
If you are clear about your boundaries, then it is easier to take the time before answering a request to make sure that you give a genuine answer.
Try not to complicate things: boundaries are simply a way of managing your energy. Energy is limited. Use it wisely. No matter who we are, we only get the same 24 hour period in every single day. How are you spending yours?
And boundaries are very personal. Don’t explain your boundaries to anyone - how could they understand your reasons? And their approval is not required.
Boundaries will help you to understand and fulfil your own needs so that when you come to your job, or your friend, or life in general, you have plenty to give. You are no longer running on a permanently empty tank, racing to keep up with yourself, or waking up wishing you’d done something differently. Instead you become as calm and joyful and open and loving as it is possible for you to be.
It is not always easy. What you are addressing here is your very real need to be loved, to feel known and accepted. You might be the person who always says yes, the one who can always be relied upon to sort out problems, the one who always listens when people want to talk. Perhaps you are all three … in which case you are no doubt exhausted!
But you don’t need to make everyone love you. You are surrounded by people who love you. The ones who need you the most are not usually the ones who make the most noise about it.
So begin. Make a small one. Keep it quiet. Try it out. In a couple of weeks, make another. Be honest and stay true to yourself. The deeper work is self-compassion and you’ll be working on this for the rest of your days.
Sarah x