That's how the light gets in

My friend is about to set sail on her boat. She is planning on a visit to the Channel Islands, then on to France and down to Italy. She has a plan; she has her qualifications; she knows how to sail and where she hopes to go, but it is not she who will decide where she actually ends up: That will depend on things she cannot control: the wind, the tides, the weather.

I am sent a blog from someone who writes with candour and humility about her depression: She has had to learn the difference between her dream of a perfect self and the reality of a human life, which is sculpted into beauty from the mess and scrappiness of the everyday, not surgically cut from the cloth of our plans and our will to see them become reality.

There is a difference between what we plan for in life and what really happens. How we deal with the gap between the two makes such a difference to the level of contentment we are able to find in life.

We set off in life like my friend in her boat, with a plan of action and an idea of what we are going to achieve. Then things naturally beyond our control throw us off course and take us to places we did not want to visit: the uncharted waters of bereavement, disappointment, sadness, disagreement and uncertainty. What are we to do? Often we ask ourselves, Why me? Or even, What is wrong with me that this should happen (and sometimes, keep on happening)?

Why me? is the right question, but we need to ask it with curiosity: Why me? What do I have to learn? Which of my weaknesses and blind spots are being revealed? How am I going to grow where I need to grow? What do I need to move towards? What do I need to let go of?

When we ask this way, we avoid victimhood and anger and fill our lives with meaning and purpose instead. When we ask this way, we learn how to do things differently, how to choose wisely and how to take very good care of ourselves. In this way, we make something beautiful and full of love out of difficulty and strife.

You have probably heard the Japanese word kintsukuroi: it is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.

Knowing that we have the capacity to become more beautiful from the cracks in our veneer, stronger from the things that have shattered us, we cannot sit for long with the kind of self-pity that bleats, “Poor me” It is hard when you are in the midst of darkness, but the light will return and with it a new depth to your capacity for compassion and understanding than you ever knew before.

Sarah x

Everything is to prove that we belong

Everything you do, everything you are, everything that happens to you and because of you;
The people who are around you, the air you breathe, what you see, the things you love;
Your life in your body, your place in the world, the lives you touch in known and unknown ways;
The friends you love, the troubles you have, the times that test you, the days when everything is just right;
The rows you have, the people you hold, the ones who drive you crazy, the things that make you cry;
The times you bask in love, the times you feel alone, the days that you are brave and the days that you are not;
The birds you feed, the nature that you love, the animals that you keep, the world around you.

Everything is to prove that we belong.

There is nowhere else.
There is no other body, no other life, no better way.
We make choices, we live, we love, we learn and we move on through.
It's hard to believe sometimes, but it's all as it should be.
Difficult to trust in the unfolding of our one life, but
Everything is to prove that we belong.

Sarah x

Slow Change

Beware those who offer you quick fixes and promise speedy transformation. It is not that those things are not possible, so much as that speedy change is not really what we need.

What we need, and what arises naturally in us is slow evolution. I’m talking about profound change here, the kind of change which addresses how you are living, how well you set boundaries, how well you understand what choices will move you towards the peaceful, joyful life you deserve to live.

We circle around and around these lessons, coming back to them over and over again. The deepest shifts take the longest time. And it is in that circling back, retreading old ground, coming up against the same old questions that we begin to discern the answers and make the necessary changes.

It can feel hopeless. You ask, why am I here again? I thought I’d dealt with this. And then perhaps you feel like a failure for having wound up in the same sad place once again.

But you are never in the same place twice, however much it might feel that way. Each time you meet that same problem you are coming at it from a slightly different angle and with new wisdom.

You do not smash through the barriers that lie between you and peace, you whittle them away and sand smooth their rough edges. Gradually, you hone your responses to life, so that one day when your boss/ex/difficult relative says that thing (the one that drives you crazy, leads you to a hot response and then the regret for having fallen short again), you breathe, pause and … say something different, do something else, what they’ve said or done doesn’t feel so sharp any more, the barb doesn’t catch. One day when you are asked to do something that you know is not good for you, you find the word “no” and utter it firmly and kindly. One day when you are madly busy and someone comes along and asks you for your help, you say later, I can be with you later. And afterwards, what joy, there is no regret for having fallen short of what you had hoped of yourself; no exhaustion from having given too much of yourself.

Evolution creates lasting change and evolution takes time. What you seek is coming towards you at a pace that you can’t dictate. You are enough, it is enough. Breathe.

Sarah x